[whistle playing Irish jig]
Finbar, come on.
Mom, don't call me Finbar, all right?
Finbar, I'm telling you
Because you're the only one who'll understand.
You'll have to tell your brothers.
Understand what?
I'm leaving.
What do you mean?
Your father's dead and buried.
I gave him the best years of my life.
I have to live the rest of my life.
What the hell are you talking about?
Watch your mouth!
I'm going back to Ireland.
For--for Mr. O'Shaughnessy?
I love him, Finbar.
I've loved him my whole life.
Does--does he even know you're coming?
Of course he knows.
He's been waiting 35 years for this day.
Give your mom a kiss.
I have a plane to catch.
Are you sure you'll be all right?
I'll be fine, darling.
Tell your brothers I'll explain everything
When I call next week.
Promise me you won't make
The same mistake I made.
I promise.
Good boy.
Good luck, mom.
So, Barry, let me ask you.
What's up with you and Heather?
You got this new one here now,
And you guys are done?
Well, you know, I mean...
Just like any long relationship--
Long relationship?
You were with her for six months.
Yeah, well, that's a long time, you know.
I mean...You know, the mystery was over, man.
I don't know why that happens.
It's God's way of testing you, Barry.
You're failing.
Yeah. He loves to torture us.
So you believe in God now?
This is your story.
Oh, yeah, yeah, on his good days.
Then you're not a catholic anymore.
No, I'm still a catholic, I guess.
Kind of.
Catholic?
Who the hell are you kidding?
You Haven't been in church
Since 10th grade.
Yeah, but who can deal
With all that repression, anyhow?
Hey, repression is not such a bad thing, OK?
Especially for a savage like you.
So...When did all this happen?
I mean, what did she do,
As I'm positive it's her fault completely.
She started talking about getting married.
Marriage?
Jesus. And what did you say?
I asked her who she was planning on marrying
And if she'd be kind enough
To invite me to the wedding.
You said that to her?
Good for her. I'm glad she threw you out.
So...Where are you going to live now,
Mr. Hotshot noncommittal?
I, uh...
I don't know, man.
Don't even think about it.
Like I might ever live with this joker.
No, I'm going to look for a place
In the village tomorrow, I think.
The village, huh?
That's about your speed.
Yeah. O.K.
We better get in.
Molly's probably got it ready for us.
[dog barking]
[woman] I don't care
What anybody says.
It doesn't make a difference
If he did or he didn't.
All I can say is, thank you
For giving us John, Jr. Ha ha ha!
I saw him jogging
Through the park yesterday.
Now, there is a real man.
Sounds like
She really loves you, pal.
Oh, yeah, totally.
I think Molly's right.
Thank you, Patrick.
Wait. What are you saying?
You don't like JFK now--
The only Irish-catholic president
Of our great country?
Listen, I don't-- I don't care.
I don't care who he is.
I don't care what he's done.
I don't like a man who cheats
On his wife. Period.
That's all just bullshit rumors.
I mean, the man was a great man.
Well, even if he did,
That doesn't make him a bad man.
The man was the President of the United States.
He's under a lot of pressure. I think he's entitled.
Besides, he's screwing around with Marilyn Monroe.
I think it's a sign of a great individual
Who can seize an opportunity like that.
You are demented, Barry.
Ah, this is thinking.
This is a thought process.
Thank you for dinner, Molly.
It was delicious.
[Barry] that corned beef and cabbage
Was a very close second to our mother's.
I hate to tell you this, but, uh...
Jack made the dinner.
[Patrick] Jackie...
An all-star in the kitchen, too.
Barry, get this.
This just goes to show
How little my brothers actually know about me.
I mean, they probably see me like my dad--
Speaking of our favorite wife-beating,
Child-abusing alcoholic,
I, uh, went down to the grave this morning.
And?
And...
I'm happy to report that he's still dead.
This is funny stuff, Barry.
Take it on the road, pal.
Anyway, see, these guys see me
As this old-fashioned, conservative,
By-the-book kind of Guy
When, in actuality, I'm a progressively modern,
Politically correct housewife.
[imitating Archie Bunker] you sound more like
Half a fag, Edith.
I could see you wearing an apron,
You know, with the skirt
And those heavy clogs you like to wear,
Maybe a speedo thrown in for added effect.
What do you think?
I think I'm going to throw you two a beating.
Listen, you guys. It's true. He does.
He cooks. He cleans. He does the laundry.
Leaves me all kinds of time
For all those things I always wanted to do...
Like change the oil in the car
And fix the sink
And mow the lawn.
I'd like to propose a toast.
To Molly,
My lawn-mowing, oil-changing,
Sink-fixing, beautiful,
Sweet, smart, sexy, sassy,
One-in-a-million Irish lass
On her 30th birthday.
That means stand up, people.
[chairs pushing back]
Come on. Get up.
I love you,
And although I missed your first 25 years,
Here's hoping you'll keep me around for another 30.
Happy birthday.
Happy birthday, Molly.
[Barry] what are you doing?
Nothing.
Let me ask you something, Barry.
What do I do now? Hmm?
What are you, retarded?
You wipe it off,
And then you put it in the dishwasher,
O.K., genius?
No. No, not the-- I mean with my life.
You know, I didn't think
College would actually end.
I'm not ready to go out
And be a real guy,
Get a real job.
I'm not ready to move out of my dorm.
Do you know I didn't even think about that?
Where the hell am I going to live?
What the hell are you worried about?
Susan told me her father's already got
A job lined up for you.
I know. I don't know if I should take it.
Susan's starting to scare me
A little bit, too.
Yeah, well, Susan does have that effect on people.
The other night, Barry...
You know, we're in my dorm room doing it...
Don't move.
What?
I think I broke it.
Oh, God.
Oh, whew.
Oh, thank God. That was close.
They make these things so tight.
They ought to make them bigger
For guys like--
Shut up.
Yeah, you know that, baby.
I don't even know why you bother.
I'm on the pill.
Hey, you can't be too careful.
And remember, I'm catholic.
I shouldn't even be doing this.
You know...
We wouldn't even have to worry about it
If we got married.
She said that?
Married?
What is she, crazy?
Yeah, yeah, I think so.
So what do I do about this now?
You got to break up with her.
You got to dump her.
Before you know it,
She'll have you picking out wedding cakes.
You'll be asking me to be your best man
And moving into her parents' guest room
Or worse, moving up
Into our old room in the attic.
So you think I should break up with her?
Yeah.
You got to.
Thanks for driving me into the city, Jack.
You really didn't have to do that.
[Jack] hey, no problem.
Barry and half a bottle of whiskey's
Not my idea of safe driving.
So...
Other than cook corned beef and cabbage
On his wife's birthday...
What does a high-school basketball coach
Do with his spare time?
Oh, things like play golf,
Fish, drink a lot of beers.
But I'm actually taking
A sports management course at NYU Right now.
Oh.
Very exciting.
And, uh, Molly-- what does she do?
She teaches English at the high school.
She's a teacher, too.
Really exciting. Ha ha ha!
What, did you two meet
At a PTA Meeting or something?
No, it was actually during cafeteria duty.
On the hot-lunch line, I hope.
Yeah, something like that.
I'll bet you were a big jock stud in high school,
Running around in the backseat
Of your father's Buick
Breaking all the little girls' hearts.
No. I've always been pretty much
A one-woman kind of guy.
Huh. Ha ha ha!
That's what my ex-husband said
When I met him.
And he wasn't.
No, he was.
I just wasn't a one-man kind of girl.
I don't buy that.
You just Haven't found the right man yet.
I've found plenty of them.
My problem is that they all want to marry me.
You know, if I were smart...
I'd find myself a nice married man.
What good would that do you?
There would be no question as to what
Either one of us wanted from the relationship,
Now, would there?
Yeah. It's getting late. Ha ha ha!
Yeah.
Do you feel like coming up
For coffee or something?
Oh, no, thanks.
I should be getting back to the island--
You know, traffic and stuff.
All right. Some other time, then.
Yeah, some other time.
O.K., some other time.
O.K.
Thanks for the ride, Jack.
Have a good night.
Bye.
Excuse me.
You're not Mrs. Mckey, are you?
No. She just left.
What do you mean, she just left?
She was here a minute ago.
Now she's not.
Well, do you know where she went?
She was supposed to show me an apartment.
Oh, you're the one.
I'm the one what?
She wanted to leave before you got here.
What did I do?
She said you sounded crazy.
She didn't want to face you.
Me, crazy? She's the crazy one.
Who does business like this?
Do you know where she went?
Maybe she'll show it to me after she meets me.
She rented it.
That's why she felt bad.
I just spoke to her 10 minutes ago.
Who could she have rented it to?
Me.
You?
So you stole my apartment?
That's not a nice way to put it.
I'm not feeling nice.
I've been looking at apartments all day.
This one was finally in my ballpark.
C'est la vie.
Let me look at it.
We could bid on it. That's fair.
Whoever told you life is fair? Good-bye!
You know, hold up a second.
I'm really sorry.
Um, my name is Barry.
Hello, Barry.
I was thinking...
Why don't we go out for coffee?
We could work something out.
Thank you, Barry. I'm a married woman.
You're married?
I don't think my husband would appreciate me
Going out for drinks with a strange man.
Good-bye.
Oh, man.
I'm a complete loser.
You'll love this place, Patrick.
It's only a one-bedroom,
But daddy says it's big enough.
He paid for the first six months' rent.
I got it through his friend.
It will be great until we're married.
We can move to that two-bedroom
On the fourth floor.
I can't do it.
Can't do what?
I can't move into this apartment with you.
Why not?
It's perfect.
I'm sure it is,
But ethically, morally, I can't do it.
I can't live with a woman I'm not married to.
We would need to get married
In order for me to feel comfortable.
We're going to get married eventually,
So what's the difference?
The difference is, we're not married now.
Therefore, I'd be living in sin.
We're not living in sin! We love each other.
What is that? What does that mean?
Listen,
There's no amendment to the rule--
"living in sin lest you love," OK?
I can't do it.
That's the bottom line.
I know what you're doing here, you know.
You're just afraid of making a commitment.
You don't want to live with me.
You're using this as an excuse.
You're not willing to make a commitment.
No.
No, Susan, it's not that.
I swear.
Then what is it?
It's I'm a catholic, that's what it is,
And there's certain rules and regulations
You got to live by.
I'm living by them!
Hey, for the same reason
You won't eat a bacon cheeseburger, huh?
This is part of my baggage.
Well, then, I really think
You should consider converting
Because daddy is going to be very upset.
She's right, isn't she?
But am I using this living-in-sin thing
Because I really don't want to live with her,
Or do I really believe I should wait
Until I'm married?
But if I obeyed every rule
That said I should wait till I get married,
I'd still be a virgin.
Is that any way to go through life?
Well, I can't speak
For sally-boy over here,
But for me...
A few weeks, a month--
A month, tops.
I don't know.
Definitely longer than a few weeks.
A month...
Thanksgiving.
Yeah, Thanksgiving is definitely
The latest I'll be here.
Thanksgiving?
Well...
Maybe not Thanksgiving.
How about Christmas?
Yeah, Christmas will be the latest I'm here.
New year's.
Definitely no longer than New Year's.
Jack, I promise you I won't be here
A day after the new year--
Not a minute.
Not a second after the clock strikes 12:00.
You can stay. Take your old room in the attic.
It still has
All your old furniture and shit in it.
[sigh]
I know I'll end up
Killing one of those guys.
Ha ha ha!
Oh, you know what? I forgot to tell you.
Ann called to thank you for the dinner
And for driving her home.
She seemed like such a nice lady,
Don't you think?
I suppose.
Shame Barry doesn't like her.
Hey, Barry doesn't like himself.
Are you sure you'll be OK With all this?
Jack, they're your brothers.
You don't say no to family. Ha ha!
I would do anything for them.
Of course, if Patrick decides
To start wearing my underwear...
Which he might.
Ha ha!
Besides, I think, uh...
I think we ought to get used
To sharing this house with some other people.
I've already had plenty of practice
In that department, thank you very much.
Well, you know, I'm not getting any younger,
And you said that we'd be having kids
Before I turned 30,
And in case you forgot,
I turned 30 last week.
The only kids running around here
Are in their 20s.
Come on, Molly. Kids are a big step.
I know that,
But I'm ready to make that step.
I don't care if we have to make sacrifices.
Look. Kids need money
For food and clothing, medication.
That means no going to Ireland
To see your grandmother,
No more trips to Aruba, no more restaurants.
We won't be able to afford it.
Well, good,
Because I can't stand my grandmother,
I hate Aruba, and I'd rather cook.
I want a family, Jack.
I want a house that's teeming with little kids
Running up and down the stairs.
I want to cheer for them at baseball games
And hold them when they scrape their knees.
You said that's what you wanted, too.
I do. I do.
I still want those things.
I just don't want to rush into it.
I just...
I just need to know that we're ready.
I'm ready, Jack.
You let me know when you are, too.
Excuse me.
Do you know where 121 Jane street is?
Yeah, 121, I think, is down this way.
Hey, do I know you from somewhere?
Are you sure?
I've got an audition I'm already late for.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
I know I know you from somewhere.
Do you mind walking me?
I just can't make sense of these streets.
Well, that's 121 right over there.
Oh, great. Hey, thanks again.
I hope I didn't put you out of your way.
No, not at all.
I know where I know you from!
You're the creep who wanted
To rent my apartment.
That's you? You look so different.
You kept bugging me to go out with you.
I just asked you to go for coffee.
I told you I was married.
You're not?
No. I said that to get rid of you.
Why would you want to do that?
First of all,
You accused me of stealing your apartment.
Second, I never go out with strange men.
I'm not exactly a stranger anymore.
I did help you find this place.
And third, I'm engaged.
Engaged?
To be married... To Henry,
A very nice young man.
How do I look?
Absolutely beautiful.
Thanks.
I'm telling you, Jack.
She was beautiful.
And she didn't fall
For your phony Irish charm?
She didn't give me the time of day.
I was thinking she'd feel bad for me,
Maybe invite me to move in with her.
Why should she feel bad for you?
Because she stole the apartment from under me.
Instead of living in the village,
I'm on long island with you and Amy fisher
And the rest of the gang.
You say that now,
But you'll change your tune
After you have kids.
Everybody does.
I'm never having kids. That's not a problem.
And you're never getting married?
No. I'll never have enough interest
In any one woman
That I'd give up the joys of bachelorhood.
I mean, the grass is always greener.
Yeah, or thinner or taller,
Bigger tits.
Yeah, hopefully all those things...
Which is why, you know--
Why I can't get over you.
I mean, Molly's great and everything,
But you guys have been together, what, five years?
How do you keep it interesting?
Love.
You ever, uh...
You ever cheat on her?
No.
You never even, like...
You know, just, like, thought about it?
No, not really.
You're a better man than me.
Well, that's not a stretch.
[telephone rings]
Hello.
Hello?
Hmm.
[dialing telephone]
Hello? Yeah.
May I have the number
For the school of continuing education
At NYU?
Ann.
Jack.
How are you?
Hi. What are you doing in the city?
I just got out of class--
Those sports management courses
I was telling you about?
What are you doing?
Running from meeting to meeting.
Do you have time for that cup of coffee?
Oh, I'd love to. Ooh!
But I'm actually running late.
Maybe some other time?
Yeah. Sure.
Some other time would be great.
O.K., some other time, then.
Nice to see you.
Good to see you, too.
You know what?
How about a walk in the park instead?
O.K.
Fantastic.
You ever cheated on Molly?
No.
Never even thought about it?
No, not really.
None of those high-school girls
Ever tempted you?
If I had a teacher that looked like you,
I would have done everything in my power
To get you to keep me after school.
You're nuts, you know that?
Besides, I coach the boys' basketball team.
Then I'd become a cheerleader.
You said you never even thought
About cheating on Molly.
Does that mean
You're thinking about it now?
No.
You should.
I don't think I could ever
Do that to Molly.
You wouldn't be doing it to Molly.
I keep thinking
About that night in the car,
What would have happened if I'd just...
Grabbed you and...
Kissed you.
Because I know you wanted me, too.
Come on, Jack.
Kiss me.
Ann, I can't do this.
I could never do that to Molly.
I love her.
I don't want love. I want you.
Listen, I got to go.
Do you love her?
Yes, I love her.
That's because we've been together
For so long.
I have nice memories of those times.
But, no, I am not in love with her.
Pat...
Are you ready to spend
The rest of your life
Having sex with this one woman?
She'll be the last woman
That you get to see completely naked
And be allowed to touch.
That's something to think about.
I don't know.
I thought I'd know
When it was time to get married.
I'd envisioned meeting somebody
Somewhere, and...
I thought it was Susan,
But...
Then it fades, you know?
It turns out to be just my imagination.
What I'm talking about is real.
I mean two people
Mapping out an eternity
In a moment.
And we'd sit
And have intimate conversation
In some dimly lit room, and...
We'd feel there was
Nowhere else in the world
We'd want to be.
Jesus Christ, Patrick.
I mean, that is very romantic,
But there is no fucking Chance in hell
That's going to happen,
Especially to the likes of you.
You don't believe in true love?
You don't believe
God has someone just for you
And he allows a lucky few
To find one another?
How did a fruitcake like you
End up as my brother?
No, I do not believe in true love,
But if there is such a thing
As true love,
I'm sure God has nothing to do with it.
You're just afraid.
You're just afraid
To fall in love, Barry.
Always been afraid of the emotions.
Listen, lover boy, we're not on Oprah,
Talking about me and my emotions.
We're talking about you and Susan.
So, what do I do?
If I move in with her,
I'm basically saying yes.
Yes, I'll eventually marry her.
Or do I wait till I find my true love?
I could give two shits
About you and your true love,
But as far as Susan goes...
She's got to get the ax.
Yeah.
Yeah. I was thinking that, too.
But I'm afraid, Barry.
I mean, she is so in love with me.
I'm afraid she'll do something crazy
Like kill herself.
Don't flatter yourself, Patrick,
All right?
Nobody is killing themselves
Over you.
So how do I do it?
You came to the right man.
It's really quite simple,
But the key
Is finding the right place.
I mean, I like to meet them at work.
There's a lot of people around.
They won't make a big scene.
Then you don't have to worry
About driving them home
After you just broke their heart.
Yeah.
Yeah. That's good thinking.
What do you mean?
When did this come about?
Look, it's just something
I've been thinking about
For a long time.
The fact that you
Wouldn't live with me
And the fact that you're not Jewish
Made it a whole lot easier.
But why?
Patrick, our relationship
Has run its course.
I think we're better off
Going out and finding new people,
New experiences, ideas.
Hey, hey,
I don't need any new ideas.
I'm confused enough already.
But what about us?
We were going to get married.
Come on, Patrick.
That was just talk, right?
We were just kids.
Besides, would you ever be willing
To become Jewish? Huh?
Become a Jew?
Yes.
Convert? Why should I convert?
I'm a practicing catholic, for God's sakes.
I go to church once a week.
You go to temple once a year.
My religion plays a bigger part in my life
Than yours does in yours.
If anyone should convert, it should be you.
Your religion is crazy.
I don't even know
Why I'm talking to you about this.
Look, it's over, Patrick, OK?
I'm sorry.
What does that mean--
Experiencing different people?
She's going to have sex with other people.
That's what that means.
This is fine. This is absolutely fine.
This just sucks.
That worked brilliantly, Barry.
Get them in the office,
You know--
Not going to make a scene,
Lots of people around.
She's completely levelheaded
About the whole thing.
I'm on my feet defending my religion...
Lamely.
Unbelievable.
I should have to do this?
If she were a catholic girl,
Believe me you...
O.K. I lived up
To my end of the bargain--
No business during lunch.
Lunch is now officially over,
So please tell me
You're working on something new.
I'm just...
I'm not feeling inspired.
In fact, I'm not feeling much of anything.
What's wrong this time?
I don't know.
I can't get into anything I'm writing.
I feel like I'm just going through the motions.
Listen, you'd better find
Some inspiration soon.
For one thing, you need the money,
And it's embarrassing.
I've got to tell
The people in my business
That my best young writer
Lives on long island.
Writers live in Manhattan, Barry.
Joey Buttafuocos live on long island.
You know what I'm saying?
I got the idea.
You need to find another girlfriend
With a posh Manhattan apartment
And set yourself up again.
What happened with Ann?
Ann's perfect,
And you go and blow a relationship.
What's with that?
She was nothing but a pain in the ass.
That pain in the ass told me
That Barry takes her out twice
And Barry passes out on her twice.
You drink too much, man.
This little Hemingway thing
You have going is getting stale.
You know what, Marty? Blow me.
O.K., OK Forget Ann.
Ann's old news.
Listen...
I got a new girl
I want to set you up with.
She's perfect.
No. I swear to you
I had nothing to do with it.
It just must have been fate.
I think it had more to do with Marty
Than fate.
Well, maybe.
So anyway, you and your fiance,
You guys enjoying life
In my apartment?
No. He doesn't live in new York.
Really?
Let me ask you another semi-personal question.
You can ask it,
But I can't guarantee
You're going to get an answer.
All right. That's fair.
Why would you agree to go
On a blind date with me
If you're already engaged
To this Henry, the horse farmer?
I'm not happy in that relationship.
I don't want to sell myself short.
Besides, Marty said you were
A relatively nice guy.
Here we are.
I still cannot forgive you
For forcing me into exile
Out on long island.
Come on. It can't be that bad.
It is that bad.
You're not 25 and living
With your two brothers at home.
Barry, I had a really good time today.
I figured I'd hate you.
Oh, thanks. That's nice.
I knew that I'd like you.
From the first time that we met
Here on the stoop
When you stole this apartment from me,
I knew that I'd like you.
Barry, I got to go.
Yeah. No. No. That's OK
You want to get together
Some other time?
Maybe we could go, you know,
Catch an Audrey Hepburn film at theatre 80
Or something?
I... I can't, Barry.
It wouldn't be fair to Henry.
All right.
Um...
Well, then, some other time, then.
O.K.
O.K. I'll see you around, then.
Bye.
Barry?
I really liked you.
I just can't. I'm sorry.
No. That's all right.
I mean...
You know, you're engaged.
For all practical purposes,
I'm a married woman.
Yeah.
I'll see you around.
O.K.
Bye.
[dog barking]
Hey!
Patrick?
Leslie?
Hey!
Oh, God.
I thought that was you.
Yeah.
What are you doing?
Well, just coming back from the deli, actually.
I got a sandwich.
What about you? What are you up to?
Oh, I'm just working on my dad's car.
Oh, good.
O.K.
See you around.
Yeah. O.K. Bye.
Ooh, Patrick!
Um, do you want a beer
With that sandwich or something?
O.K. Sure!
So, Patrick, you of all people--
God!
What the hell are you doing back here?
I had to move back in with Jack.
Me and Barry
Are sharing a crawl space
Up in the attic.
But I heard that your, um...
That your girlfriend's father
Was getting you a place in the city.
Yeah. I thought so, too,
But it doesn't look
Like that's going to work out.
You, uh...
You got scared,
Didn't you?
No, I didn't.
Ha ha ha!
I mean, I was, but...
You know, I wasn't.
Uh-huh.
Her father was also getting me this job.
It just seemed like all of a sudden
I had to be this... This real Guy
With a real life.
I just was not ready for that.
So, yeah, I got scared,
And I just wanted out
Of the whole situation.
So...
What did you do?
Well, I didn't have to do
Anything, actually.
She broke up with me.
Now she's got me thinking
That maybe I do want all those things
I thought I was afraid of.
You know what?
It sounds to me like you just want them
Because you can't have them.
So, uh...
Why did she break up with you?
See, that's weird, too. She's weird.
She wouldn't tell me.
Isn't that stupid?
So do you, uh...
Do you still love her?
Uh, not like I think I should--
I mean, considering
We were going to get married.
What about you?
I heard you were getting married to sully.
No, no.
I couldn't go through with it.
What happened?
I...I saw the light.
Um, it was the morning of my wedding.
I was up in the bathroom,
Brushing my teeth,
And that's when it hit me.
I suddenly thought,
"why?"
Mom!
I thought, "do I really
"want to spend the rest of my life
With James Sullivan?"
Just take it easy.
This is it-- one time,
And then you're done with it.
Ahem.
It's not a twist-off, Jack.
I see.
Don't be so nervous.
This will only hurt a little bit, OK?
Come here.
That was nice, wasn't it?
Mmm, I'll say.
Though I have to admit,
I was a little quick the first time.
But I've been ready to burst
Since that day in the park.
You wanted me that night in the car, too,
Didn't you?
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
You could have had me right then and there.
What made you decide to change your mind?
I don't know-- something you said
About never having sex
With another person
For the rest of my life.
Hmm.
You'll find it's harder to say no
The next time.
Yeah, but there's not going to be
A next time.
Why'd she do it?
Patrick, I'll tell you
For the last time.
She doesn't really
Want to break up with you.
She's using this to get back at you.
She wants you
To come crawling back to her.
So how do I get her back?
Why do you even care?
I thought this is what you wanted.
She saved you the trouble
Of doing the dirty work yourself.
You should be happy.
But I miss her.
No, you don't.
Yes, I do.
You just think you do.
You're suffering
From the "will I ever get laid again?" blues.
No. I think it's a case
Of the "you don't know how good you had it
Till it's gone" syndrome.
Oh, tell me.
What was so great about Susan
That you now regret not having it?
Her father was going to get me
An apartment and a great new job.
Those...Those are definite pluses,
But listen to the advice
Of your bigger, wiser,
And more experienced brother.
I have a theory.
Man is like a banana--
Strong and firm, bright and phallic,
And he's protected
By his all-important shield.
But when a woman comes along,
She sees this bright, phallic beast,
And she wants it.
But she's not happy with the way it is.
She wants to see what's inside,
So she starts to peel away
The all-important shield.
First, she wants to see your romantic side.
Then she wants to see your passionate side.
Then she wants to see your soft, caring,
Feminine side.
And she keeps peeling and peeling
Until you're left there buck naked,
Totally exposed
With your balls blowing in the wind.
That's when she gets her knife,
And she starts to cut away your manhood,
Piece by piece,
Until they're having your cock
In their corn flakes.
Susan!
Su--
Susan, would you--
Come on, Susan.
Would you hold up a second?
I need to talk to you.
What do you want?
You broke up with me
Without an explanation.
I think I'm entitled to an explanation.
We were going to get married,
In case you forgot.
Tell me the truth.
Did you ever really want to get married?
The truth?
Yeah. Remember, "thou shalt not lie."
The truth is no,
But that's because--
That's before I realized
How much I need you in my life.
You don't need me. You just think you do.
What is the difference?
This is where I am.
I just don't think it would be healthy
For either one of us
To stay together right now,
Especially considering the current situation.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What current situation?
Patrick, I really don't feel
Like talking to you right now.
Will you just leave me alone?
I can't believe you liked that movie.
It was fun.
It was crap.
You'll have to read my new script.
Why? What's it about?
It's about this Guy
And his quest for true love.
But does he find it?
Of course not.
You've never been in love, have you?
Well...
You Haven't, have you?
Do you love anybody?
Well, yeah.
I mean, you know, I love, uh,
I guess I love my brothers.
I love my mother.
In fact, I love my mother very much.
And does your mommy
Live with you and your brothers, too?
No. My mommy actually
Moved back to Ireland
A couple years ago.
Ireland? Why?
You'll love this story.
This is right up your alley.
It was about five years ago.
My dad finally died.
We were all very excited about that.
And right after his funeral,
My mom pulls me aside,
And she says to me...
Promise me you won't make
The same mistake I made.
Yeah. Yeah. I promise.
Yeah. She took off that night.
Oh. Why would she marry your dad
If she didn't love him?
Because she's catholic, I guess.
She fell in love with this guy,
Finbar O'Shaughnessy, whom I'm named after,
Although my dad didn't know that,
But she was already pregnant
With my dad's baby,
Which is my brother Jack.
So like any good catholic girl would,
She got married.
They ended up moving to America,
And she had to wait 35 years
Until the old man died
So she could go back to Ireland
And finally be reunited
With her true love.
Wow. That is a great love story.
With a mom like that,
You'd think you'd be a hopeless romantic
Instead of a loveless pessimist.
I like being a pessimist.
It makes it easier
To deal with my inevitable failure.
So where's your mom now?
She and O'Shaughnessy live in Dublin.
He's a champion fiddle player,
So whenever they come to new York to perform,
The whole band comes out to the house,
And my mom cooks
Her famous corned beef and cabbage.
Mmm! I love corned beef and cabbage.
Yeah. Well, we'll see.
O.K., Finbar, just lean back and do it.
Come on, you coward. Just do it.
Barry, I have a confession to make.
Well, what is it?
Promise me you won't be mad.
How can I be mad
If I don't know what you're confessing?
I'm not engaged.
Henry's asked me a thousand times,
But I cannot bring myself to say yes.
Really? I mean, that's great.
I mean, it's too bad for Henry,
But he's not really high on my list of concerns.
Are you happy?
Fucking-a, I'm happy.
That's great.
Would you mind, uh...
If we kissed again?
Think you can handle it?
I think I can handle it.
Yeah, right.
There's no way you can handle this.
Hey, doll.
How are the papers coming?
Hey, good.
You coming to bed soon? I miss you.
I feel like we never get to see each other anymore.
Yeah, I know, but I'm hitting the sack.
I'm kind of tired.
Think I'll finish grading these in the morning.
Why?
You're better off
Getting them done tonight.
Well, I was, uh...
I was thinking you might be interested
In doing a little something
You Haven't done in a while.
I thought you got embarrassed by that.
Well...
Maybe I'm feeling
A little less inhibited tonight.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
I'm sorry, honey. I'm not in the mood.
I'm tired.
Wow!
Ooh...
I remember when you used to say,
"I don't get these guys who say
"they're too tired for sex.
I'll never be too tired for sex."
The one night I'm not in the mood,
You're breaking my balls about it?
How about the nights you weren't in the mood?
I'm sorry, Jack. I was just kidding.
I guess I thought
It might be fun, that's all.
Look, I'm sorry I yelled at you, hon.
I've been feeling kind of weird these days.
I don't know.
Barry, if you like her that much,
Just call her up and ask her out again.
Yeah, but she's not Irish.
Well, then you got to forget about it.
I don't know if I can.
I mean...
She is the most beautiful woman
That I have ever been in contact with.
I mean, she is gorgeous.
She's proved that God is indeed a man.
You are in love.
Don't talk to me about love.
All I said was she's beautiful.
I said nothing about love.
No, no, no, no, no.
You're in love. Trust me.
I know when someone is or isn't in love.
Hey, doll.
Hey, honey.
What, are you drinking all my frigging beers?
I'm having one beer.
Give me a fucking break.
It's not even noon,
And you're drinking already.
When did you all of a sudden
Become my mother?
I can't drink beer anymore?
You can tell me when I can and can't drink?
I'm not your mother,
But when I come back from jogging,
I want some beers in the house, OK?
You're going out for a run, Jack?
I'm working off these love handles.
You could use it, lard ass.
Hey, you want some company?
I'd love to go for a run.
No, that's all right.
I'm just hopping out
For a quickie.
I'll be back.
Yeah, have a few more doughnuts
While you're at it, fat boy.
Do you think, uh...
Do you think
Jack would ever have an affair?
Jack? No way, no how.
I mean, he loves you.
You were the answer to that guy's dreams.
Besides, do you think
There's somebody out there better than you?
Nah, I don't know.
I don't know.
He just seems kind of distant lately.
Maybe I'm bugging him too much
About having a baby.
A minute doesn't pass by
Where I don't think about making love to you.
Easy there, coach.
There will be no lovemaking
Going on here.
It's a figure of speech.
Next time, try another figure,
Like "do it."
Like I would say,
"I thought you were feeling too guilty
To do it with me."
All right. How about...
"I can do it now...
And deal with the guilt of having done it later"?
Very good.
Hey, who's in there?
It's me.
Hey, I'm going to the bathroom!
I'm coming in.
I've got to get something.
What...
Oh, Jesus.
How about a mercy flush?
What the hell do you expect it to smell like?
Hey, I'm going to the bathroom here.
Do you mind?
You ought to see a doctor.
Either that,
Or Molly should change butchers.
Very funny.
Patrick, Patrick,
I got to talk to you.
What is it?
Let me ask you something.
You're Mr. Ten commandments, right?
How bad a sin is adultery?
You're cheating on Molly?
No, I'm not cheating on Molly.
But, you know,
I am starting to get feelings
For other women now, and, uh...
I was just wondering,
If I did give in to temptation,
Then how bad a sin is that?
It's horrible.
Jack, you can't do it.
First of all, it's a big-time sin.
Second of all, I love Molly.
You can't do something like that to her.
How could you ever want to cheat on Molly?
She's the greatest.
Yeah, I know, I know,
But sometimes you need
A change in your life.
I don't want to do anything,
But Molly and I have been together
Almost five frigging years.
I'm stunned. I can't believe this.
You're actually considering
Sticking your penis into another woman.
Well, that's usually how it works.
Jack, you've got to fight it.
That's--it's just not fair to Molly.
Inasmuch as we don't believe in it,
I would say get a divorce
Before you do something like that.
Who is she?
It's nobody, really.
I'm... I'm just thinking.
Come on, Jack. She's somebody.
No, she's nobody, OK?
Don't say a word to Barry either,
All right?
Of course not.
And listen, don't forget
To wipe yourself, all right?
How do you know whether the one you're with
Is your true soul mate?
And then, what if you let them go
And never find anybody to replace them?
Yeah, but I think
You're better off being alone
Than being with somebody
That isn't your true soul mate.
Anyway, sometimes you've just got to take chances.
You know, uh... Speaking of chances,
Well, not taking them...
You know, I--
I always sort of wanted
To ask you out in high school.
But, you know, you were always
With sully or something.
I never did.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Well, you should have.
So, um...
So what are you going to do now?
Well, after I canceled my wedding, I, um...
I reevaluated my whole life, and...
I became a vegetarian...
A pro-choice activist...
And I, uh...
I abandoned Catholicism.
Really?
But I remember a Summer
You were going away to that convent!
But you were going to be a nun!
What is this?
Why would you abandon Catholicism?
Because I tried to figure out
Why I said yes to James,
And that's when it hit me.
I mean, I thought
I had to get married, you know?
What's a single catholic girl
Going to do if she doesn't get married?
I can't have premarital sex,
But if I do, I can't use birth control,
But if I don't use birth control
And I get pregnant, I can't have an abortion.
So what's a girl to do while she's waiting
For prince charming to show up?
I mean, Christ, I can't even masturbate!
Tell me about that one.
If I masturbated as much as I wanted to,
I would live in a constant state of guilt...
Ha ha ha!
Not to mention hospitalization.
I know. It's crazy.
You just--
You--you can't be catholic
And have a healthy sex life.
You just...
Unless you find your true love.
Well, yeah, OK, then...
Then and only... Then.
I need to talk to you.
What do you want?
I think I deserve an explanation.
You deserve an explanation?
Yes!
Well, this will knock your catholic socks off!
The current situation is, I'm pregnant.
You're pregnant with my baby?
I've only been with you, Patrick.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!
How did this happen?
We took every precaution.
I even wore two rubbers at once!
I thought you were on the pill.
I thought you were on top of this!
I was. I still am.
The pill is only 99% effective.
We fell into that 1%.
Why would you
Break up with me now?
I would figure
You would want to get married.
Hello! Patrick, I'm 21 years old.
I don't want a baby.
If we got married,
You'd want me to have the baby, right?
Of course.
Why? What else would you do?
I'm going to have an abortion.
An abortion?
You can't have an abortion.
That's against everything
I believe in!
Last time I checked,
The baby was in my stomach,
So I'll make the decision.
That child is half mine.
Not anymore.
Listen, Patrick,
I--I've got to go. I'm sorry.
I knew you wouldn't agree with my decision,
So that's why I did what I did.
[church bells ringing]
I'm going to hell.
Jack...
Do you believe in hell?
Hey, I Haven't done anything yet, OK?
I'm not talking about you anyway.
I think I'm going to hell.
Oh, Jesus Christ, altar boy.
Why are you going to hell this time?
First of all,
I had sex with Susan out of wedlock.
So big deal.
Now I find out
The reason she breaks up with me
Is because... She's pregnant.
And now...
Now she's having an abortion.
Oh, you're shitting me.
You got her pregnant?
Yeah.
Well, you just be thankful
She's getting an abortion.
Relax. You're not going to hell.
She's having an abortion. Can you believe that?
Good. Good for her.
Good for her.
Well, what about me?
I am a catholic. My life is over.
I'm going to hell.
You know what you should do?
You should come to California with me.
Oh, solution of solutions.
When are you going to California?
As soon as I can get enough money.
I've already got 2,000 saved,
And all I need is another two grand
And I can buy
This beautiful mint cherry 1970 Chevelle
I've had my eye on.
As soon as I can get the money, I'm gone.
Drive cross-country.
Hey, that sounds great.
I could use some adventure like that.
If you can come up with $2,000,
We can leave tomorrow.
Sure you could stand
To be alone with me all that time?
It's a pretty long trip.
Well, I asked you, didn't I?
Yeah.
What's this?
I thought you said you didn't eat meat.
Only on Fridays.
What's wrong with you?
You've been acting strange all day.
I just don't feel that this is right.
I mean, for Christ's sakes,
Don't you have any guilt at all?
Don't get so high and mighty on yourself.
In case you Haven't noticed,
You've been calling me lately,
Not the other way around.
Look, I'm sorry.
This whole thing has just got my head
Screwed up right now.
You're having an affair.
It's not a big fucking deal.
Well, it is to me.
I don't like what I'm doing,
And I don't want to hurt Molly.
I love her.
Get over yourself, Jack.
If you loved Molly so much,
You wouldn't be jumping into my bed
Every Chance you get.
Great. You know what?
Do me a favor.
I don't want to be part of your confusion.
Don't bother coming up.
Call me when you get a grip.
Damn!
What?
You got a problem?
You did it.
I did nothing, OK?
Oh, Jack, I told you not to do it.
That is a big-time sin.
Not to mention what effect
It's going to have on Molly,
Your marriage.
Yeah?
Don't say a word to Molly or Barry.
You hear me?
What the...
Jack, I wouldn't think of it. Jesus!
It was that Ann
That Barry used to see, wasn't it?
Look, I fucked up, OK?
I know I didn't do the right thing,
But I felt I had to do it anyway.
Look, I love Molly,
But who says you got to be
100% faithful to your wife anyway?
Just isn't natural.
God said.
Well, fuck God!
Why should I spend time and waste Faith
In something I have no proof ever existed?
Patrick, I'm a man.
I had an urge, and I acted on it,
And I don't see that as a big deal.
"fuck God"?
Well, that's a big deal
For Molly, don't you think?
You'll have to make a choice.
You can't go on this way.
First of all, Patrick,
This isn't your problem to worry about.
Second of all, I know what I got to do.
Hey, Jack?
I really hope you do, man.
Where the hell is that train already?
Hey, Finn! Come sit by me.
Hey, you want to see my new ring?
I've seen the ring.
Tell me what it's called again.
It's called a claddagh ring.
The hands represent friendship,
And the crown on top represents loyalty.
Well, what about the heart?
The heart represents, you know...
A deeper sort of friendship.
You know, like a...
Just like a deep friendship.
Friendship?
Yeah.
Not love.
No.
I mean, you know, I, uh...
I guess the heart could be looked at as love.
But enough about the goddamn ring.
Did you read the script yet or what?
I just got it this afternoon.
You'll read it tonight, though?
By the time I go to sleep tonight,
It will have been read.
Promise?
Barry, I'll read the script.
[door opens]
Patrick, what happened?
Let me guess--
You're not going
To California anymore?
Can someone lend me train fare?
She wants you back?
She wants me back.
What about the baby?
She had a miscarriage.
Oh, my God!
Jeez, talk about
The luck of the Irish.
Jack!
It's great, isn't it?
Can I have 10 bucks? I'll miss my train.
Yeah, sure.
Thanks.
Ha ha! Hey!
So, guess what.
Daddy said he's going to buy you
That one-bedroom on the first floor,
So that way, we can at least
Be in the same building,
And then, after we're married,
We can move into
That beautiful two-bedroom
On the fourth floor.
He's going to pay for me to live
In the same building with you?
Of course!
He loves me, and I love you,
So he loves you.
He wants you to start
In the sales department.
He feels it's the best way
To learn the business.
Susan, I don't know
If I can work for your father.
Why not? Hmm?
Because he's done so much for me already.
No! Don't be silly. It will be great.
We'll move in.
Everything Will be fine.
And you know what I was thinking...
Oh, God, I thank you.
I thank you for letting her have that miscarriage.
But just look at these sweaters.
...People over, you know,
Like Mary and Stewart,
And--Patrick?
Patrick, are you listening to me?
Yeah.
What's wrong?
Listen, Susan, I'm sorry...
But I don't want to work
In the garment district, OK?
And I don't want to live
In the same building with you.
Why not?
Because I--because I want to move on with my life...
And because I don't love you anymore.
You don't love me anymore?
Get out of here. Get out!
Get out of here, Patrick! Leave!
Patrick, leave. Get out.
Fine.
Come on!
Leslie!
I need to talk to you.
Patrick! What's up?
You were serious when you asked me
To come to California with you, right?
Yeah.
Well, how do you feel about me?
W-what do you mean?
Well...I mean,
How do you feel about me?
Remember yesterday, when we talked
About finding your true love
And how great that must be?
Yeah.
Well, I've got a good idea.
I don't mean that.
I mean that,
But what I mean is, I want to go
To California with you.
I want you to come to California with me.
I know. You said that.
But how do you feel about me?
What do you mean?
I mean, do you mean do I--
You don't have to say the words.
I just want to know
If you have any idea,
Any feeling in that way--
Just something.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah?
But you know I'm not catholic anymore.
Yeah. Yeah, I know.
I thought about that...
And I don't give a shit.
What are you doing out here
All by your lonesome?
Just thinking.
It's awful quiet
Without those guys around here.
I was thinking
Maybe we should take a vacation.
What do you think?
I don't want to run away from here
To work out our problems, Jack.
This is our home.
If you feel like you've got something
You got to work out,
Let's just do it right here.
Problems?
What are you talking about?
What problems do we have, Jack?
Are you that far removed
From this relationship?
Listen, I realize
I've been a little distant lately, but--
Distant, Jack?
We Haven't had sex in months!
Why don't you scream it a little louder
So the whole fucking neighborhood
Can hear you?
I'm going through
A weird period in my life.
It seems like just yesterday
I was a kid in high school.
Suddenly, I'm 33
And thinking about starting a family.
You're 15 years too early
To be having your midlife crisis.
I don't want to become
Like my father--
A miserable fucking prick
Who isn't there for you,
Isn't there for the kids.
The thing is I don't even know
If I can be a good father.
That's bullshit, Jack,
And you know it.
Don't use kids as your excuse.
The way your father is
Is the exact reason
You would be a great father.
You know that I would never ask you
For a divorce,
And I'm willing to wait for you
To do whatever
You feel like you've got to do.
But out of respect for me,
What we've had,
And what we could have,
If you've got to do something--
What the hell are you talking about?
I'm not a fool, Jack.
Dad, I just stopped by today
To say good-bye and let you know
I won't be the kind of man
That you were.
Happy saint Patrick's day.
Hey, pat.
Hey.
Can you talk?
Yeah. What's up?
I got-- I got a problem.
What is it?
It's Audry.
Yeah. Marty thinks something really big
Is going to happen with the script.
He thinks they'll want me
To come out to California.
He said some really big-name actresses
Are interested in the lead.
O.K.
So...
So where's the problem?
What am I going to do about Audry?
I promised her the part.
Do you love her?
I might.
So now you finally
Get a decent script on your hands,
And you're going to
Throw your inspiration
Right out the window.
Just when things
Are starting to happen for me,
I got to go fall in love.
Is something bothering you?
You've been very distant
The last few days.
No. I got a lot on my mind, that's all.
I spoke to Henry last night.
He wants me to come back to Virginia.
What are you going to do?
I don't know.
What do you want me to do?
I don't want you
To go back to Virginia
To marry Henry.
But you don't know
If you want to continue this relationship.
I don't know what I want to do
About anything right now, Audry.
You mean you don't know
What you want to do about us.
Everything happened so quickly for us.
It took me by surprise,
I guess.
I thought we'd go out
For a few drinks, have a few laughs,
And instead, we got...
We got really serious.
And that scares you?
Yeah, that fucking scares me.
So...
What do we do now?
I don't know.
What do you think we should do?
I don't know.
I just want to be with you, Barry.
I don't know if that's possible
Anymore, Audry.
I just need some time
To figure some things out.
Maybe we should spend some time
Away from one another,
Um, and see how that works out.
Well, I'll wait for you for a little while,
But I can't wait forever.
O.K. I'm going to go home now.
I'll see you around, then?
It's palm Sunday.
I went to church.
Congratulations.
So, what did you give up for lent?
I gave up resolutions this year.
Convenient.
You know, you made a mistake, Barry.
She doesn't want a husband, man.
She wants you.
It's the same thing
As far as I'm concerned.
No, it's not the same thing.
You get one Chance in this life,
If you're lucky.
I'm sure there will be others, pat.
No, there won't.
Just think about mom.
Don't start with that shit again.
Barry, if you just took one second
To look at yourself,
You might discover what you truly want.
Oh, yeah? And what's that?
Why don't you fucking tell me
What that is, huh?
To ask her to marry you.
Oh, I didn't know you were home.
Yeah. I'm trying to find
Some Fitzgerald stories
For class tomorrow.
Remember this?
Yeah.
Think we've lost the romance
From our marriage?
No. I just don't think
You're interested anymore.
I think that sometimes...
When we start to grow
Accustomed to things,
We start to, uh...
To not see them anymore
Or to kind of look past them.
And we have a tendency to...
Want something new because we feel
That will fulfill whatever
Seems to be missing in our lives.
But it doesn't.
I think we just need to look back
At what we do have in our lives
And try to remember what brought us there
In the first place.
You know?
So why did you do it, Jack?
What didn't I do for you?
What are you talking about?
I know that
You've been seeing someone else, OK?
I found your rubbers.
What rubbers?
I don't want to have to fight for you!
Why can't you just be a man
And admit it?
What do you want me to say?
When did you become
Such a fucking coward?
I want you to tell me the truth.
Did you do it?
Why? Jack, why?
I am so sorry.
I just want to be with you again.
I don't know, you know?
I think it's going to take
A long time.
I know. I know.
Is it over?
Yes, it's over.
Did you love her?
No.
Jesus Christ!
What's wrong?
I don't know.
Are you OK?
Yeah. I think so.
Ha ha ha!
I don't know. Did you?
Yeah. Yeah.
Why can't you?
Well...Well...Yeah. I can.
I'm just a little nervous.
Oh. Why? What's wrong?
Listen.
There's something
I've got to tell you.
What is it?
I got the money.
What money?
The 2,000.
My brother wrote me a check.
For the c--
Oh, my God! You mean we're going?
As soon as you want.
Aah! I love you!
Hey, that's just
The kind of Guy I am.
Ha ha ha!
Did you go to Dublin for these?
Yeah. How's the jelly roll, huh?
I can't believe this is it.
Told you I'd be out of your hair
By Easter.
I can't believe you're going through with this.
I didn't think you had balls
Big enough for a stunt like this.
Really.
It's got nothing to do with my balls.
Ha ha! You know?
It's got everything to do with my heart.
When you find your true companion--
Stop. Stop right there.
Jesus. Yeah. Yeah.
I think we've all
Had enough true love talk
To last us a fucking lifetime.
You decided what you're going to do
With Audry?
No. No. I don't know.
I don't know about you guys,
But these past few weeks
Have really been special for me.
I mean, living under the same roof again--
It really felt like a home, you know?
Like a family.
Yeah. Despite the fact
That there wasn't a psychotic drunk
Screaming for beers
And beating the shit out of us every day.
What was that shit he said
When he had half a bag on?
"shut your fucking mouth
When you're talking to me, pal."
And the time I came home
In my varsity jacket.
I was like, "hey, dad,
What do you think of my new jacket?"
He said, "get a blue one
And burn the both of them."
I remember he always said to me,
"hey, shit for brains,
"the only thing I want to hear out of you
Is nothing."
Fucking prick.
What a prick is right.
So, what time
Are you and Leslie leaving?
She wants to get on the road
Bright and early, so she's figuring 5:00.
That's early.
You guys be up for a good-bye
At that time?
I don't think so.
You could bet your ass
That I won't be up at 5:00 in the morning.
Well, I guess this is it, then.
Yeah.
Thanks, Jack.
Anytime, man.
I'll get you that cash back
As soon as I can.
Whenever.
A handshake will do for me, fruitcake.
Not for me, Barry.
That's enough.
[telephone rings]
Hello.
No, Marty.
Barry's not here right now.
Yeah. He should be here soon.
Everything's fine. Listen, I got to go.
I can't talk right now.
Bye.
What's going on with all these bags?
All your stuff's in the blue bag.
What do you mean?
Are you going someplace?
I'm moving out.
Where are you going?
I'm going home to new jersey
To take care of my dad for a while.
How come?
Because you're a coward.
I just don't think this is the right time
For me to get involved in a serious relationship.
And why is that?
Because as a big-time director,
You can't be tied down?
Don't want to miss all the action?
Is that what you think?
Can you give me another reason?
Because I'm going to be busy.
I'm not going to have time for this,
For us.
You know what?
You can have this back.
I don't want it.
Audry, you knew I wasn't interested
In letting this become,
You know, too serious.
I don't care what we thought
Was going to happen.
I fell in love with you.
You fell in love with me, didn't you?
Come on. Let's not get into this.
Just answer the question.
It won't kill you.
What do you want me to say?
I mean...
O.K., yeah. I do love you.
Then why are you doing this?
Because I don't want to be in love,
And I don't want a wife,
And I don't want a family either.
Whoever said anything
About marriage and a family?
I'm sorry, Audry.
It just... It just can't be.
[telephone rings]
Go ahead and answer it.
It's Marty.
You got what you wanted.
[ring]
Hello.
Hey, wait. Hold on a second.
Hey, Audry, wait a second.
I'm sorry it had to be like this.
I love you, Barry,
And I'll never love anyone
The way I love you.
But I won't be like your mom
And wait 35 years for you.
Hey, Audry, come on. Hold up.
Hey, Marty. Sorry about that.
No. No. It's nothing.
Yeah. You know what?
Listen, I can't talk about this.
I got to go.
Hey, Barry.
(music) I will remember you (music)
(music) will you remember me? (music)
(music) don't let your life (music)
(music) pass you by (music)
(music) weep not for the memories (music)
(music) I'm so tired that I can't sleep (music)
(music) standing on the edge of something much too deep (music)
(music) it's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word (music)
(music) we are screaming inside, oh, we can't be heard (music)
(music) and I will remember you (music)
(music) to be loved, loved (music)
(music) will you remember me? (music)
(music) to be loved, loved (music)
(music) don't let your life (music)
(music) pass you by (music)
(music) to be loved, loved, loved (music)
(music) weep not for the memories (music)
(music) to be loved, loved, loved, loved, loved (music)
(music) so afraid to love you (music)
(music) more afraid to lose (music)
(music) clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose (music)
(music) where once there was a darkness (music)
(music) a deep and endless night (music)
(music) you gave me everything you had (music)
(music) oh, you gave me light (music)
(music) and I will remember you (music)
(music) to be loved, loved, loved (music)
(music) will you remember me? (music)
(music) to be loved, loved (music)
(music) don't let your life (music)
(music) pass you by (music)
(music) to be loved, loved, loved (music)
(music) weep not for the memories (music)
(music) I will remember you (music)
(music) to be loved, loved, loved (music)
(music) will you remember me? (music)
(music) to be loved, loved (music)
(music) don't let your life (music)
(music) pass you by (music)
(music) to be loved, loved, loved (music)
(music) weep not for the memories (music)
(music) to be loved, loved, loved (music)
(music) weep not for the memories (music)
{{{the end}}}